Saturday 5 February 2005
The hardest thing ever
Posted by kim @ 10:21am
Puss is gone now. My dearest and most long-lived friendship is lost to me.
She was just short of 19 years. Old for a cat, but there wasn't anything wrong with her - living with nan, someone who loved her and had the time to fuss over her little accentricities, had added years to her life. But that just made the prospect of putting her down even worse. 'The hardest thing we'll ever do', Mum called it. And it was.
Mum was in tears when she rang me this morning, at 9:50, to say it was done. But I had woken (after not getting much sleep at night) bolt awake at 9:35 ... Nan will be sad. If anyone loved her as much as I did, it was nan.
Mum said she was sorry, when she rang, but I don't blame her. I know she will blame herself for a time, and that she probably thinks that I blame her. But I don't. She had no choice. Choice was taken away from us. And I know damn well if there had been any other way around it, she and nan would have found it. But there wasn't.
Mum and Nan will be traveling down here to live tomorrow. Dad has been living down here for almost a year, and Mum needs to join him. And Nan needs to be near Mum because she's getting frail, as elderly ladies do, and needs to be close, just in case. They will be sharing a place for the time being, as they couldn't sell the house up there, and therefore don't have much money. A place where there is 'No Pets Allowed', as is, unfortunately, typical of rentals down here. Dad did get an offer from his boss of a little two bedroom place where she wouldn't mind if they had pets, but without selling their house they can't afford two rents. And even if they had sold the house and did have the money to buy a place down here where they could keep the cats, there is no guarantee that Puss would have made it down here. She has been extremely car-phobic since she was a kitten, and 3-days travel in a car would have come close to killing her with stress. And that would have been just too cruel. It was best for her to be laid at rest and put with Nandi and Sas in our little pet cemetery. They will keep her safe, and in good company until we can join her.
Possum's eyes were as big as saucers when Mum and Nan left her at the refuge. She is young and will have a chance at getting a new home. But Mum will miss her greatly - she was Mum's cat.
I have a hole in me. Something is missing. Her presence is missing. I've had her since I was 5, and I can't remember a time when she wasn't there, always purring, trying to cheer me up when I was down, being my friend when I didn't have any, pulling me through all those bad times during high school, always tolerant of me when I held her tight and cried into her furr .. now she is gone, and I will miss her dearly. My dearest of friends. There will never be another like her.